Koala Lumpur Review

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Koala Lumpur: Journey to the Edge

Review by Jen

I have a gigantic heap of unplayed games in my bedroom closet, and since I was out of newer games, I started digging through the older ones and came across Koala Lumpur. My good game-choosing instincts must have completely failed me that day because out of the great heaps of classics, this is the one I picked. Hating it almost from the get-go but ever the intrepid adventurer, I decided to see it through to the bitter end just so I could review it for you, dear reader.

The story starts out with Koala Lumpur (who is, you guessed it, a koala) (but I bet you didn’t guess he’s a Buddhist bear in a purple fez) seeking enlightenment. He finds a piece of a scroll, and by reading it comes frighteningly and perilously close to unleashing the greatest of evils (which is trapped behind a gigantic door) on the world. The greatest good, behind a door on the other side of the corridor, tells Koala he must find the rest of the scroll and put it back together to prevent the evil’s escape and attain enlightenment for himself. She presents him with a familiar to aid him in his quest—you play as that familiar, a common housefly that doubles as the cursor. In seeking the scroll pieces, your first stop is the home of a genius Dingo (who is, you guessed it, a dog) (but I bet you didn’t guess he’s an inventor who wears an explorer outfit, complete with pith helmet). He turns out to be trapped in the refrigerator that doubles as a safe, and your first task is to get him out. From there, you travel to the land of lost dogs, ruled by a green wooden puppet, Dingo’s old girlfriend’s house (she is a tiger with a woman’s body dressed in a white bunny suit), and the spaceship of a six-year-old girl genius who captures the fly, Dingo, and Koala to keep as playmates. One or more scroll pieces are found in each of the four locations. Is any of this making any sense? I thought not. Believe it or not, though, that’s the way the story goes, and there is never any justification for any of the strange elements of the plot—they just come out of the blue. The plot was just pure gobbledegook.

The interface is fairly easy because you, the player, are both fly and cursor. You just click on whatever you want to interact with, and with your amazing insect muscles, you can lift some pretty gigantic items. Whatever you can’t handle, Koala zaps into submission with a sort of magic dingleberry that sits atop his fez. Koala’s fez also doubles as the inventory storage area, so when you pick something up that you need to save for later, you click it on the fez, and you click on the fez again to retrieve something. The puzzles, however, are another story: they range from ridiculously easy to incomprehensible (I was going to say they range from the sublime to the ridiculous, but there really weren’t any sublime ones). In the dog/puppet world, the main puzzle involves navigating a maze (my second-least favorite kind of puzzle, sliding-tile puzzles being my least favorite). In the tiger/bunny world, the main puzzle comprises answering questions with the right responses to please the tiger/bunny, who is also a psychoanalyst.  And last but not least, the main puzzle in the six-year-old genius space nut girl is to free your ship from some tractor beams, which entails the absolute most hideous arcade sequence I’ve ever encountered in any adventure game—you must traverse not one, not two, but three tunnels while avoiding laser beams that zap you back to the beginning if they hit you. Discovering these so near the end of the game was sheer misery (I truly, from the bottom of my heart, detest arcade sequences in adventure games), and they almost stopped me dead. I thought I could probably complete one of them, but then to be faced with two more after that, well, just the thought was agonizing. However, a couple of days ago, I got a brilliant flash of insight and searched the Internet for cheat codes (you know how in some games, you can just type a word or number to skip a puzzle that you don’t want to do?). There were no cheat codes, but one fellow had written a walkthrough that gave great strategies for completing each of the three stupid tunnel puzzles, so I followed his advice. Lucky you, dear reader, because I was then able to complete the game and thus my review, and now you can profit from my experience and not bother with this game.

The graphics weren’t bad. They were your standard, run-of-the-mill cartoon animations. The colors were rich, the backgrounds were fairly well-drawn. The cut scenes, and there were a lot of them, clashed in style with the game-playing part of the graphics—they sometimes looked as if they were drawn with colored pencils. Even considering this, my only real gripe with regard to the graphics was that, while the copyright date is 1997, you must switch your monitor to 256 colors before Koala Lumpur will even launch.

The music was also run-of-the-mill, but the voice acting was simply horrid. Koala Lumpur sounded like a stereotypical, no, that’s not the word I’m looking for … a caricature of an East Indian gentleman, what was once known as a “wog” in the days of British Empiricism. I am a not very politically correct, middle-aged white woman, and even I was slightly offended.  The Dingo Dog actor affected an Australian accent (dingos …  Australia … get it?) that was also grossly exaggerated. The actors were all too loud, due more to bombastic attitude than actual volume. But I saved the worst for last: you are a fly, and what do flies do? Why, buzz, of course. Incessantly. Ad infinitum.  Ad nauseam. Why was there no fly swatter for Koala to do away with his pesky little friend? From time to time, I thought I had swimmer’s ear—I must have used about 50 Q-tips over the course of this game, to no avail, of course, and sometimes when I went to bed, I dreamed about buzzing.

Overall, this is one game I can’t in good conscience recommend to anyone. My final verdict is the coveted double cornpoop. The End

The Verdict

The Lowdown

Developer: Colossal Pictures Publisher: Broderbund Software, Inc. Release Date: 1997

Available for: Windows

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System Requirements

486 Windows 95/3.1 8 MB RAM 2X CD-ROM drive

Where to Find It

      Copyright © Electric Eye Productions.  All rights reserved.  No reproduction in whole or in part without express written permission.

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14 Responses to Fear Factor

  • Fear Factor | Tap-Repeatedly.com | Reality Topics Blog

    […] nobody@flickr.com (graftedno1) wrote a very interesting post today.   Here’s a quick excerpt:My greatest fear is to be trapped alone in a confined space with a blind human, in total darkness. They have a heightened sense of smell and hearing, and. […]

  • Matt "Steerpike" Sakey

    Lewis, you made me think of the scariest moments I’ve experienced in gaming, and we’re very similar people.

    Bioshock had two moments – the dentist and the flooded room filled with mannequins.

    Thief had Return to the Cathedral, which was terrifying to me. Thief 3 had Shalebridge Cradle, which is so scary it ought to be fined.

    System Shock 2 kept me on the edge of my seat, but it was more lonely panic than true fear.

    Korsakovia was so scary that I uninstalled it.

    And STALKER. Oh, god, the haunted labs in STALKER. The latter two games don’t have scares like that. Few games do.

    It’s especially rare for a game to have more than mere “moments” – for a game to be scary from beginning to end, that’s a triumph.

    Wonderful article. As if Gregg’s review wasn’t enough to convince me that Penumbra is not something I have the courage to play!

  • DPenn

    I’m with you Lewis … I’m a bit of a puss. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of dread as entertainment.

    Still, I’m drawn to dark stories when they have something interesting to say, whether it’s a game like Thief or a film like, say, Gaspar Noe’s Irreversible. So I’ll push through, sometimes peering through my fingers.

    The trouble with games, though, is that if you look through your fingers, you’re probably just going to have to play through the scenario again. :~)

  • Mike "Scout" Gust

    I wanted to play this game. I downloaded the demo but the controls were just too wonky for me to get my head around. I liked the atmospheric vibe a lot. I think I’m a bit desensitized from an overdose of horror movies in my youth so I don’t so much get the dread thing from these games as a nice creepy vibration. If only the controls were better…

  • Lewis B

    @ Mike, what’s wrong with the controls bud? As someone who despises poor control schemes, Penumbra’s is just like any other FPS, except to examine things you right click on them.  To use things you left click.  I’m not sure that can be considered difficult 🙂

  • Gregg B

    @Steerpike: Yeah my greatest shit-scared moments were with those games too. A few spoilers below people, so beware.

    Bioshock – Haha, I remember the dentist. I didn’t really find the game that scary overall but the bit where you go into the wine cellar and notice a mannequin facing the wall and after upgrading your weapon it’s stood directly behind you motionless and quiet just for a moment before attacking you. I shat a brick. I also missed that bit originally until Lew told me about it.

    System Shock 2 – same as you really, more unremitting tension all the way through rather than specific terrifying moments. Oh actually, theres a bit where you call a lift and it breaks then you realise a service droid is coming to fix it… I do remember having sleep issues after my first encounter with the cyborg ninjas though.

    Thief: The Dark Project – The Sword and Return to the Cathedral and Down in the Bonehoard and well, loads of them. The Sword made me break out into goosebumps though because there was a bit where you could hear this creepy giggling which seemed like it was following me about then it suddenly changed to this horrible throaty noise. What made matters worse was that the EAX (bless you Creative) made my foot steps sound like somebody else was there with me. That level was incredible, a bit too incredible as it seems I missed great chunks of it because I was so eager to leave.

    Thief II: The Metal Age – Trail of Blood where you end up in that opening with those damn tree beasts. God the first time I saw one of those hurtling towards me I actually died shortly afterward. Do you remember that Mechanist child walking around on one of the levels? That was a little creepy.

    Then there’s Penumbra: Overture – quite a few bits but I’m not mentioning them here.

    Oh and S.T.A.L.K.E.R. – The brain scorcher lab just because it was so damn quiet. My imagination seriously got the better of me there. Those stuffed animals and heads I’d seen in various buildings led me to believe that those creatures were lurking somewhere in the Zone, specifically that lab.

    @Mike: My control setup was perfect after some tweaking (as well as the simple weapon swing fix). If you ever fancy giving it another go, give me a shout and I’ll let you know my setup.

  • Lewis B

    I’m not sure why guys, but one of my starting paragraphs had gone missing, even though I copied it straight from the original source, and It was fine earlier. 

    Incase you missed it due to some technical issue you might want to re-read just after “Well no she wouldn’t in truth, but in Penumbra: Overture you don’t want to move anyway.” at the very start for those who’ve already read the article. Apologies 🙂

  • Mike "Scout" Gust

    Lewis, it was the weapon swing. It had this terrible, unresponsive feel to it, like trying to hit through molasses. I couldn’t stand using it. I tried the .ini fix as mentioned in the review but it didn’t seem to help. Of course this was the demo…but that shouldn’t have made any difference. I might try the second game instead as I guess they did away with the weapons thing.

    I’m see your first paragraph just fine. It’s the dialogue, right?

  • jdeuel

    I like the argument that weapons can remove fear, but even loaded to the teeth with ammo in AVP’99 the Marine missions were frightful because the enemy was anywhere at any time.

    As for Penumbra Overture, if the controls are anything like the original Penumbra they need to hack in some Wii-Remote 3d controls. I did not like using my mouse for 3d movements.

  • Gregg B

    @Mike: I’ve read that many people avoided conflict altogether in Overture which incidentally is something forced upon you in Black Plague. As somebody who has been renovating a house over the last 6 months with no DIY experience I can safely say that swinging a hammer is significantly easier in real life than it is in Overture without the fix. The fix balanced that for me.

    I’d highly recommend completing the first Penumbra because it’s one big build up to Black Plague which spoils the ending to Overture in the intro. And it’s a great ending too. Just so you know!

  • Lewis B

    @ Steerpike, those moments you mention are all my worst too!!  Do you remember the Robot labs in SS2? Absolutely terrifying, waiting for robots to burst out on you! 🙁 oh and have you ever player Condemned?

    @ Mike, The use of weapons in Penumbra is different to say HL2, where the player is physically holding the weapon, as in Penumbra it floats slightly infront of you.  However, if you change the control method to normal weapon swing, it’s no different!  Speak to Greggi and he’ll tell you what to do 🙂

    @ jdeuel, AVP the original and its sequal were scary however what type of fear do you think it is? I don’t think it’s anything more than sheer tension.  Having a Smart Gun makes you feel incredibly powerful.  I can honestly say in Penumbra the fear is sheer unrivalled terror, where you actually have to force yourself to play on.  It genuinly is that scary! 🙂

  • Jason Dobry

    It’s so true, an arsenal of weapons and ammo rapidly deflates any sense of horror or uneasiness in any game for reasons you already mentioned. Sakey, I thought Bioshock was more “lonely panic,” while I was pretty much always terrified in System Shock 2. I really, really, REALLY did not want to enter The Many’s nursery, and my weapons were so unreliable and ammo so scarce that I never felt safe.

    Silent Hill was terrifying for the same reasons. Ammo was rare and I frequently had to rely on my pipe for self-defense.  Even when I had ammo, the game mechanics prevented my character from being anything other than marginal with any firearm.

    Fear had one moment for me: I was climbing up a ladder, and as I reached the upper platform, my guy briefly looked down as he climbed off. As my perspective looked up again, that Ring-esque little girl was RIGHT THERE, reaching for me. I screamed and she was gone.

    What else…the original Aliens vs. Predator sent me into a locker room and I could only hear the facehuggers scurrying about somewhere within. I had to go in there. I advanced about three steps before the damn thing screamed and filled up my screen with its repulsive underside as it implanted me with its spawn. My roommate made fun of me for weeks for screaming like a girl child.

    Korsakovia–meh.  I was too annoyed and frustrated by the box rearrangement/jumping puzzles to be scared. I uninstalled it after an hour of play, I think. Maybe the scary parts were later, but I doubt it.

    As for Penumbra, I did play through about half of it before other games distracted me. I remember unease and creepiness, but no sweaty fear. I think I’m to blame here, or, more precisely, my daughter, who was still an infant at the time and generally allowed me only to play during the day for 45 minutes at a time. I was denied total immersion and the fear effect suffered. Maybe I should give it another go after I finish Call of Pripyat since she sleeps through the night now. With any luck, Penumbra will keep me from doing the same.

  • Gregg B

    I played the demo of F.E.A.R. but that ladder scare is the only bit I remember. Christ, that made me jump. I’m not too good with cat scares.

    Also I felt exactly the same about Korsakovia. It was creepy at first but then it began to irritate me far too much and it just soured the experience. I stopped playing as a result. Not to mention, when I realised I could bash those smoke-things with my crowbar they didn’t bother me nearly as much.

  • Online Up

    Great article. I look forward to reading more in the future.

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