Big outlets (read: not us) got an announcement today, regretfully informing them that the Portal 2 event at E3 was canceled. But as is always the case with Valve, there’s more to it than that.
Dear Subject Name Here,
Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word “surprise”, of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.
If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.
Thank you for <<RECORD SCRATCH!!!>>
PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.
So. A “surprise.” What could it mean?
Speculations abound, and the speculation is Half Life 2: Episode Three, to which I say “it’s about Christly time, you whores.”
Others speculate Left 4 Dead 3, to which I say “that ship has sailed, where’s my Episode Three, you whores?”
Still others speculate that it might be something else entirely. Me? All I know is that I wasn’t invited to the event even before they canceled it, and I’m not going to E3 anyway, which makes me sad.
Commence the speculating!
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