Glad We Got That Sorted Out

Stop the presses! Aaron Alexis played video games, including “violent” ones. Indeed, the man who killed a dozen people at the U.S. Navy Yard on Monday was in fact a male under the age of sixty. And while the UK Daily Mirror is hardly what I’d call a “source,” I’ve heard this same coverage on NPR – coverage focusing on the Alexian love of video games rather than the voices in his head, voices so bad he called the police and switched hotels to dodge them; rather than the diagnosed PTSD brought on by participating in the 9/11 cleanup; rather than the history of arrests for gun crimes; rather than the flood of reports indicating that Alexis had numerous social problems and that many “close” to him feared the man well before the attack.

Satirical newspaper The Onion (which I deem more weighty than the Daily Mirror) has run a piece indicating that Americans have decided to get on board with mass shootings – they’re like grandma and apple pie. Makes sense, actually. We have a lot of them, they’re kind of a pastime these days, and while not distinctly American, I think we can all agree that mass shootings overseas are basically a form of America-worship.

I kid, I kid.

If you’re waiting for me to use the word “horrific,” or to say my heart goes out to anybody, keep on waiting. GamePolitics.com will use the word “horrific” at least 11,947 times before the end of the week, and my heart is staying in its chest, thank you very much. Am I sorry? Sure, I’m sorry, but sorrier still that once again we’re going to do nothing but accuse video games and gun ownership. And drinking, because apparently Aaron Alexis was also a heavy drinker.

Statistically that makes me a mass murderer too. I play a ton of violent video games – last night alone I strangled six or eight men with a bowstring and set three others on fire in Tomb Raider (which is great, by the way!) – and that’s a low count for me. Until last year calling me a “heavy drinker” would be generous. I don’t drink more than once or twice a month these days but I will be on a transatlantic flight next week and I intend to take full advantage of the free booze offered on transatlantic flights.

I don’t own any guns, something I intend to rectify as soon as a gun show comes to my town. Guns are handy. But even once I’ve got the trifecta of games, booze, and guns, I’m not going to shoot up a public place. Hell, I’m not even going to shoot an animal. I wouldn’t know what to do with an animal I’d shot.

You know what, scratch the “I’m getting guns” thing. That money is better spent on a PlayStation 4.

We could deal with these mass shootings, you know. As usual Aaron Alexis displayed a lot of warning signs. Those video games! I mean that alone should have set off alarm bells. Why haven’t we done what FOX News’ Elizabeth Hasselbeck suggests, and set up a national registry for video games? The U.S. government is already listening to our phone calls, it should know what we’re playing.

I guess I should, in passing, mention that Aaron Alexis was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and confabulative behavior including hearing voices, that he’d been treated (or at least diagnosed with) post-traumatic stress disorder, that while he did manage an Honorable discharge from the military, that same military made it clear he was no longer welcome in its ranks due to his erratic behavior, and that he’d been arrested twice for gun offenses. His own family and few friends have publicly admitted that he was not socially ept and often so paranoid about his safety that he’d carry a gun with him at all times. But this stuff pales in comparison to the video games, at least in the eyes of the news.

As a good liberal lefty commie hippie Obamite, I support gun control, and I can’t help but note that – once again – this shooting wouldn’t have happened if Alexis had no access to the weaponry he used. But even robust gun control won’t go nearly as far to prevent mass shootings as the obvious solution: robust, affordable, de-stigmatized mental health and addiction care available to all.

Because, as usual, practically every male aged 5-55 plays video games. Plenty of females in that range too. Thus video games are responsible for mass shootings, since nearly every mass shooter has played them.

Meanwhile, actually every mass shooter has had documented, serious psychological problems; we don’t need to focus on that.

You know what pisses me off most about this, and why I can’t bring myself to even fake the societally-accepted “horror” at this event? That it’s even more fucking stupid than last time.

Dude. Grand Theft Auto V came out one day after Aaron Alexis committed his crimes. He was dead by the time the game had its street date. If anyone honestly thinks that video games were the fuel, doesn’t it make sense he’d have put off his rampage till after the game shipped, so he could’ve spent a week or two with the latest GTA before doing all the murders? Come on. The Heaven’s Gate cult waited until Star Wars had been re-released before eating the poison Jell-O. It’s just common sense, you don’t do your rampage until after you’ve had a chance to enjoy some time with your favorite stuff.

If this post offends anyone, I do apologize. Me, I’m offended by the fact that we let it happen yet again, that the answer has always been staring us in the face, and that once more we’re going to ignore it in favor of the most asinine possible scapegoat.

Blind leading the blind? It’s more like the retarded leading the gullible out there. No wonder I strangle people with bowstrings in video games. If I didn’t have that outlet, I’d surely need to take some violent action against the stupidity exhibited by people in the real world.

Tell Steerpike he’s going to burn in hell and that he should have called the shooting “horrific” like everybody else! Steerpike@tap-repeatedly.com