Starship Titanic Review

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Starship Titanic

Review by Orb

Make It Stop Mommy, It Burns!

Why, why, why? I can’t even imagine what these people were thinking.  It looks like an adventure game, it certainly has puzzles, places to explore, a plot, prerendered graphics, etc., but something was done with these elements here to make the completion of this game an equitable experience to having to get multiple doses of oral surgery.

The thing that is so misleading about Starship Titanic is that it actually looks as though it is going to be a fun game. And I went into it with my nose up in the air, having heard the stories of mind-numbingly hard puzzles but thinking smugly to myself, “Ha! I’ve played so many of these, I’m sure I’ll know the lay of the land and have it figured out in no time at all. What a bunch of babies those other players were.” And promptly came out the other side of it holding my nose, with my eyes watering.

Now don’t get me wrong. I adore Douglas Adams. I’ve got all the Hitchhiker books and even a boxed set of the filmed adaptation.  But even my admiration for this beloved writer could not ease my temperament in dealing with this title.

The story is quite straighforward. At the center of a galaxy, a beautiful, most elaborate starship, the Starship Titanic, has been built. It crashes into your house (Adams lifts his own material here), and you end up on board. During the course of gameplay, you discover what has happened to the ship and what must be done to repair it so you may return home.

The graphics are actually quite impressive. The design was carefully done, overseen and orchestrated by Douglas Adams himself, and it has the feel of a very elegant old Art Deco hotel, dipped in some sci-fi. A perfectly acceptable mix, and very lovely. Of course, this feature gives a glossy finish to the horrific underpinnings of the game as the player struggles through sloggish game controls, a highly complex inventory system, as well as an unwieldy text parser stuck in the middle, one suspects as a poorly thought–out homage to Adam’s earlier Hitchhiker text adventure.

One feature that I really admired, and wish there would be more of in all games, is that the game offers the option of a full install to the hard drive. This was just dandy and serves the same function of getting a multiple-CD game (this is three) onto a DVD.

I have to mention something about the transitional graphics.  Someone had the idea that when the game moves from location to location, the screen and all of the graphics should turn blurry while moving. This trick gives the player the feeling that she is at a college frat house in the middle of a hazing ritual that includes attempted alcohol poisoning. The first night I played, I actually got a headache and had to leave the game alone for several days before attempting it again.

There is a highly complex inventory system, with four different sections—the player must keep chevrons that are for each room in the game in one, another is to have conversations with the mechanized characters met along the way throughout the story, one shows you which room can be accessed in whichever elevator you are in (and there are four elevators, all exactly alike—have fun keeping that straight), and the final one is for inventory items proper. Confused? Join the club.

The music is actually quite well done, and along with the graphics, it tricks the player into thinking he is in for a real treat of a good time.

The puzzles in Starship Titanic are one of the major failings of this game. Did you ever see the movie Heaven’s Gate? Do you remember it? The four-hour debacle that virtually finished off director Michael Cimino in Hollywood? Well, let me tell you, brother, the puzzles in Starship Titanic are like watching into the fourth hour of that movie. That’s the best I can explain it. And I really think the tipoff here is that someone has started to package and sell the game with the strategy guide thrown in for free, and I earnestly believe that we should all, adventuring babies, take that sort of thing as a big fat clue when it comes to game shopping. You could even think of it as a real-world shopping puzzle. “Gee … now what’s the reason these guys are giving me a free twenty-dollar book?” My favorite part of this is the PC Gamer magazine blurb on the back: “Forget Riven.  This may be the game that reignites the adventure genre!”  Some public relations person earned his or her paycheck the week that was published, that’s for sure!

Unlike Mae West, when this is bad, it is not better. Is there someone that you really want to get even with for some slight?  Give him this game. And make sure you keep the strategy guide.  That way it’ll work better than a computer virus. The End

The Verdict

The Lowdown

Developer: The Digital Village Publisher: Simon and Schuster Release Date: 1998

Available for: MacintoshWindows

Four Fat Chicks Links

Player Feedback

Screenshots

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System Requirements

Mac: 120 MHz Power PC or faster Mac OS 7.5 or later 4X CD ROM 32 MB RAM 160 MB hard drive space Thousands of colors

PC: Windows 95 100 MHz Pentium (133 recommended) 16 MB RAM 160 MB available hard drive space 16-bit (high-color) capable video card and monitor Video and sound cards 10% compatible with DirectX 5.0 4X CD-ROM drive

Where to Find It

Check the Game TZ

      Copyright © Electric Eye Productions.  All rights reserved.  No reproduction in whole or in part without express written permission.

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17 Responses to First Impressions: Heavy Rain

  • Toger

    I hate QTEs, but Heavy Rain is sitting in my Amazon cart waiting for me to push the button. I don’t even own a PS3, but I plan on buying the game anyway. I do have a good friend who’ll let me play at his house. Of course, I’ll have to drive 100 miles, one way, through the snow to get to his house. His chat-happy birds will cheerfully chirp thereby completely disrupting any atmosphere, but I can play.

  • David

    What!?  Heavy Rain is full of QTEs?  I totally did not see that coming.

    The whole dad experience thing sounds intriguing.  I’m already getting odd looks from my girlfriend for exclaiming over cute kids on the bus or at the mall, something like what you described might send my biological clock over the edge.

  • Lewis B

    My sentiments exactly David!

    Mat has been playing the Heavy Rain demo for a while now, and although he admits he is intrigued by the story, he does constantly complain about the control method.

    R2 + Analogue stick to run? *scoff*

  • Gregg B

    @Lew: DEMO?! PS3 DEMO?! *runs off to PS3*

    That sounds like the Batman: Arkham Asylum controls – Crazy Bonkers Design. The sort of design that puts pull handles on push doors.

    @Steerpike: “I despise children. They are disgusting and annoying. They knock things over. They interfere with everything. They’re not useful until they’re at least 13, when you can get them to mow the lawn and stuff. But you can pay a service to do that for just a few hundred bucks a year and the service won’t vomit on you, shit in its diapers, grow up to resent you, or otherwise suck. Don’t flame me and don’t post comments to the contrary: kids are repulsive. Why anyone would want them is beyond my feeble imaginings.”

    HAHAhahaha- I er, – hahahaha – you’re as outspoken as me about demon spawn children.

  • Lewis B

    Yeah its been on the internet for weeks and weeks Greggi.  I think you have to do a couple of online puzzles etc to get the appropriate code or something.

    Search on Kotaku, they first ran with it IIRC.

  • Mat

    The puzzle code was for early access before it hit the PSN Store. It’s been available to all since last week.

    Regarding the demo, it took me around 3 or 4 attempts at it to appreciate it. First time around I couldn’t have been more dissapointed by it, but after the 3rd or 4th I decided I wanted to stick with it. I don’t think the demo is a particularly great example of what the game supposedly does best either – choice. I also HATE the control scheme and some of the voice acting is so wooden. Creating an immersive, realistic game is fine but having characters stumbling into tables and fridges because of the ham fisted controls, and listening to French voice actors impersonate Americans does remove that realism a little!

    Still, I rushed out to buy it this morning and will rush home from work to play it in about an hour!

  • xtal

    @ Toger: I don’t own a PS3 either, and it’s not like Heavy Rain seems to be “that” game which makes you run out and buy one– like Bioshock made me run out and get a 360– and it’s also not like this game looks groundbreaking in any way, because it really doesn’t. It’s just got me curious…and people tend to do crazy things the week after they get their yearly bonus. Soooooo yeah, who knows; maybe I’ll own a PS3 soon, but like hell I would admit that it was for Heavy Rain. Psh. I’d tell people it was because I wanted to watch BSG on blu-ray; though anyone who knows me would see right through that lie since I am an avid non-format-upgrader: I’ll switch my BSG collection from DVD to blu-ray the day I upgrade my copy of Jurassic Park from VHS to DVD. (Hint: never)

  • Toger

    @xtal: I’m in no hurry to upgrade my meagre DVD collection to blu-ray either, but I have to say the movies I’ve watched on my friend’s PS3 are absolutely stunning. Blade Runner was simply breath-taking in blu-ray and it made me want a PS3. I don’t think Heavy Rain will be a system seller for me, but I’m betting the game from the Ico team will.

  • xtal

    A game from the Ico team, you say? Hmmm. I’ve been making rounds on Kijiji and Craigslist looking for a copy of Ico (eBay prices are so shudder-inducing) for a few days now. I really need to play that game after my experience with the indescribable Shadow of the Colossus.

    It’s good to know they haven’t died some Interplay-esque death in the meantime.

  • Matt "Steerpike" Sakey

    Nope, they’re a small team that works within Sony. Fumito Ueda is the lead and he’s got like ten or so people who’ve worked with him on all his games. Sony pretty much lets them do what they want.

    The Last Guardian is the game that’s coming up from them. It looks more like Ico and less like Shadow of the Colossus to me, which is to say it appears to be focused on platform elements. If I didn’t already have a PS3, it’d be the game that sells it.

  • Gregg B

    @Toger: Ooh, Blade Runner on Blu-ray, gorgeous in all its gorgeosity. In 5.1 it sounds incredible too.

    I bought my PS3 for Team Ico’s unnamed-at-the-time game, Heavy Rain (back when it was just a teaser), LittleBig Planet (yes, yes, I know), Dead Space and Motor Storm: Pacific Rift which sort of pushed me off the fence.

  • Toger

    Gregg, oh yes. The surround sound was spectacular. Did I mention my friend’s HDTV is 72″ (obscene, isn’t it)? It’s like being at a high-class theatre: better food, pauses for bathroom breaks and no one talking through the movie.

    Is Trine up on PSN, yet? If so, that might be my tipping point: Last Guardian, Heavy Rain and Trine.

  • Gregg B

    *spits tea out, despite not drinking any*

    O_O

    72″?! I’m speechless. I can only imagine how awesome that is. Size does matter.

    Not so sure about Trine… hang on. I think it is.

  • Matt "Steerpike" Sakey

    I think it is too, Toger. I’ll check.

    To be honest, though, I doubt you’d be disappointed with the purchase even if Trine’s not there yet. I’ve been way happier with my PS3 than with my 360. Demon’s Souls, Valkyria Chronicles, Uncharted, Folklore, even little games like Flower – I’ve had more concentrated fun with the PS3 than with Microsoft’s console, which tends to gather dust for months between game releases.

    72″???? I thought size didn’t matter!

  • Toger

    Size doesn’t matter. 😀

    In my friend’s defense, it was a great deal: opened box, itty-bitty scratch on the case, not a dead pixel to be seen and it was less $$ than the 60″ he originally wanted.

    Thanks for checking guys. I’ve played a tiny bit of Uncharted, but I’m horrible at the combat. Flower intrigues me. As does Demon’s Souls, but I know that game will crush my soul.

  • Gregg B

    There were certain moments in Flower where it just totally succeeded in conveying a feeling that I can’t say I’ve had in many other games, usually when rushing across a field through the grass or through a canyon or just skimming a pond, but it was never anything to do with collecting bloody petals or fulfilling some rudimentary puzzle. I think my problem with it was that it felt like it was trying to be this deeply emotional piece but in the end there seemed to be too many concessions to being a game rather than just running with the emotive side of the experience. One thing I am sure about though, is the trophies. Don’t get me started on the fucking trophies…

    One of my favourite little games on the PS3 is Everyday Shooter. It’s got a brilliant soundtrack that suits its raw visual style and I love how each level requires a certain tactic or strategy to survive it. It’s a very satisfying game in small bursts.

  • Hanover

    Unfortunately Cage mucked up the ending yet again.  The problem is that the mechanic of the game forced them to have to cheat in order to prevent spoiling the mystery of the game.

    There is also a red herring that makes no sense and is obviously put there to misdirect the player.

    90% of the game is awesome, the last 10% while not as bad as the indigo prophecy, is still sloppy.

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