I opened the door to 2019; felt like I was struck dead. Saw the future, but all the future was was the past repeating itself. “Fuck,” I exclaimed. “No!,” I pleaded. I tried to slam the door shut, cried in horror at the terrible revelations unfurling themselves. But there was no closing the door. Before I knew it I was on the other side, mistakes ready to be remade; but would any lessons be learned? I feared for the worst case. I was right to be afraid.
I’d love to tell you more about Control, the eagerly-awaited Edge magazine coverbait from Remedy Entertainment, the mad Finns who brought us Max Payne, Alan Wake and Quantum Break. I’d love to. And I feel… I guess sort of qualified to do so, since I have played Control for a few hours. But I’m not going to. To heavily paraphrase a trademark opening line in the (delightful) Girlfriend Reviews videos…
This is not a review of Control. This is a review of what it’s like to wish Remedy would fix Control.