Helmut said
Let's play a game called:  Edit: evoking (duh) Stephen Russel. Write a small passage of prose to be read aloud in your best Stephen Russel manner. 

My submission is entitled, Stephen Russel  at a Desk Job

I woke up from my encounter with Accounting with a throbbing headache,
it could have been worse... I could have lost more than my expenses appeal.
I decided to knock off early and go for lunch in the cafeteria.

The cafeteria was located in a depressing part of the office and it
had seen better days. The only table was a dilapidated brown slab of plywood.

And well well well, wouldn't you know, sitting at the table was Cathy, from accounting.

I couldn't help noticing something valuable on display, gleaming from the
rather large absence in her attire. I'd noticed a large number of trinkets
and talismans located in the accounting offices when I'd gone in. Something
in accounting wasn't adding up. I think it was time I paid accounting another little
visit, after hours of course.

Getting in wouldn't be easy. But I knew someone in HR that owed me a favour after
the parking attendant suddenly had some poison arrows in his pocket to explain. 

* Gives Helmut all the awards *