A couple of days ago I posted up a link to Life is Hard, a short satirical flash platformer that had me chuckling away for a good few minutes. My girlfriend was at work when I spotted it so she didn’t get a chance to give it a whirl. Anyway, yesterday while I was at work Hazy popped up on Gmail and I pointed her over here to check out the game (and my first post!!11). The following exchange ensued:
me: Did you play the game?
Hazy: Nope, will do though.
me: You should, it’s great.
Hazy: Okay, I’ll do it now.
(a few minutes later)
Hazy: Fuck me, I can’t do it, the bloody little man keeps falling off the platforms or jumping too late.
me: Just keep going.
Hazy: I can’t get on the mushrooms.
me: Come on!! 
Hazy: It’s terrible.
me: You’re terrible. Do it!! Are you trying to get from left to right? Or trying to get the coins?
Hazy: You can’t reach the coins Gregg! He’s falling short of the platforms all the time or jumping after I press it and it’s too late.
me: Ah.
Hazy: I can’t even go from left to right.
me: The platforming is crap but it’s not that difficult!
Hazy: I can’t get on the second mushroom, I’d rather play Facebook. You have to jump way before he gets to the end of a ledge or else he walks off then jumps.
me: I can’t believe it’s causing you that much trouble!
Hazy: The controls are shit!
me: Hey it’s not Little Big Planet! This is a thirty second exercise! The pay off is going to be totally underwhelming now.
Hazy: Finished it. And it was underwhelming. I should have just watched you play it.
me: Bloody hell!
Hazy: I’m not a born gamer.
me: Hahaha, you were crap at You Have To Burn The Rope!
Hazy: Now you know why I stick to puzzle games!
me: I think you should never touch a platformer ever again.
Hazy: I think you suck.
So there you go.
Today’s lesson: if you’re no good at You Have To Burn The Rope stick to Facebook.
Ahh, love is a many-splendored thing. 😉
Haha, still, Hailey is amazing at Pikman…. However, I’m confident that I hold the award for the “worst platform player in the world ever”. Gregg will surely testify to that. 🙂
You hold the “Being Able To Make Any Game Look Like It Has Terrible Controls” award as well the “I Borkened The Game” award. These two accolades combine to make you a very irritating person to watch play games. 😉
Hailey is good at Mario Kart DS though, very good. She has two stars on it which is very difficult to get! She’s also formidable at Planet Puzzle League so watch out.
“Hahaha, you were crap at You Have To Burn The Rope!”
Geeez, If I was your girlfriend, you wouldn’t be getting any for the next two weeks. I mean, it took ME at least three tries to finish YHTBTR and I have testicles and all!!!!
And a devil at Meteos 😉
I just played that YHTBTR game. Classic.
Does anyone else think that guy’s credits song sounds a lot like “Stars of Track and Field” by Belle & Sebastian?
It does sound a bit Belle and Sabastian doesn’t it? I’m only familiar with Tigermilk though so I’ll have to check that track out on Spotify 😉
She’s not alone. I also had a terrible time on the platforming.
😀 I’ll be sure to let her know Erik! I thought the platforming was pretty rough but thankfully it isn’t very long so it doesn’t draw too much attention to itself!