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Review by Bearwhale Battlefield 3 Developer DICE Publisher EA Released October 25, 2011 Available for PC, Xbox 360, PS3, iOS Time Played 10-15 hours Verdict: 3.4/5 Middlin’ “I can only hope that these problems are fixed because without them, Battlefield 3 could be a pretty neat game. As it is, though, it needs a LOT of work.”

Poor Alice. Years pass and the pain of tragedy diminishes with time, but neither shame nor guilt nor madness ever leave us. And for Alice Liddell, once-bold Wonderland explorer, madness has returned with a vengeance.

American McGee’s Alice was under-appreciated; I appreciated it – at length, and reprise that appreciation with an expanded version of the same article for the upcoming Well Played 3.0 - but most people didn’t get it. Too many jumping puzzles, too difficult, too long, too packed with disturbing imagery deemed unsuitable for the world of Wonderland. The game sold okay but didn’t do well critically, and it took eleven years for EA to allow a sequel. Still led by American McGee, that Terry Gilliam of video games, Alice: Madness Returns is upon us.

Where to begin? Stupidest game ever? Most obnoxiously altered voiceover? Highest quotient of clicking? If the open beta available on Steam is any indication, DarkSpore – the pathetic grasp at success so profoundly failed with the medicority of Will Wright’s original Spore – this is not one you’ll want to spend your Galleons on. Why? …

This weeks sales chart is in from GFK and it’s not surprising to see Crysis 2 head to the top spot.  I’m still getting over Homefront actually achieving number one last week (people really must be desperate to spend their money). Anyway, EA can be proud that Crysis 2 enjoyed a bigger opening weekend than Bulletstorm and …

EA’s on a roll this week! First there was the thing where it banned a user from its forums for (rather politely, actually, at least in forum terms) pointing out that, in his opinion, Dragon Age 2 was shit; the ban extended to his EA account and suddenly the dude was locked out of all …

Warning: Bulletstorm will make you rape people. So says Fox News, that bastion of fair-and-balanced reporting, its experts dourly citing completely unrelated and often debunked studies to that effect. To my knowledge no rapes have been connected to the recent demo release, but likely the law hasn’t been looking for said connection. Bulletstorm is going to make you rape stuff, not because there are any rapes in it or because it endorses rape or even uses the word rape (though it does use the word “dicktits”), but because… um.

Assuming what we can from the demo, Bulletstorm is juvenile toilet humor with liberal amounts of gore and NSFW, often sexually-charged achievement names for killing things by pumping shells up their rectums or what have you. Sometimes juvenile toilets can be kind of awesome.

Ah, the age old question. FIFA vs PES. For some of us, it really does feel like an age that we’ve comparing and contrasting the two games. As an avid fan and follower of the sport both in its real and virtual iterations, I have personally stuck with and purchased every FIFA and Pro Evolution …

Not long after dismissing the value of literally every independent developer in the world except for Bungie (note that most outlets are saying “indie.” That word has a different connotation), Bobby Kotick of Activision/Blizzard has unleashed this little chestnut, courtesy of EDGE Magazine: You know what? What we like about a developer is that they …

Review by Lewis B Warhammer Online Developer Mythic Entertainment Publisher EA Released July 2009 Available for PC Time Played: over 150 hours. Verdict: 3/5 Middlin’ “Warhammer Online still has promise, but the licence is tragically underused. Mythic has tried to emulate World of Warcraft in so many ways they have lost their identity and reputation in …

It’s been a little since Activision/Blizzard scumhole CEO Bobby Kotick shoved his foot so far into his mouth that it came out his ass – he’s been too busy cornholing his most profitable studio to be verbally inflammatory – but who can forget such lovable quotes as this and this? But the Most Hated Man …