[Spoiler warning for any of you (go Helmut!) presently embattled in a Souls journey]

 

Since I have experienced every boss in the Souls games with the exception of a few optional ones from DKS2 I thought now would be a good time to start this topic. And because these games are a bit more than a slight obsession here. Whether you've played too much (me), too poorly (Steeprike) or just dabbled in its many joys (Gregg! Pokey!) I encourage everyone to share their favourite, most hated, or whatever-else bosses from the Souls games. Whether it was the difficulty you faced, the relief you felt in victory, the epic music... whatever it may be!

Here are mine...

 

Honorable mention #1 - Bell Gargoyles (Dark Souls)

The Asylum Demon may have been more of a "WTF!" moment, or maybe Capra Demon depending on the order you did things in, but for your first time against the Bell Gargoyle everyone had that timeless moment where a second health bar shows up on the screen and you shout a sequence of expletives. Sure, the exact same thing happened in Demon's Souls (Maneater) but that fight could be cheesed in a lot of ways (their bad AI, shooting arrows through the fog gate, etc.) and the Bell Gargoyles couldn't - you just had to straight up whoop their asses. And then when you ascend the tower and ring that bell ... it may not be on the official soundtrack, but in everyone's mind "We are the Champions" is playing.

Honorable mention #2 - Flamelurker (Demon's Souls)

Flamelurker isn't one of my favourite bosses to face, and after I've become a lot more skilled I'd consider him easier than a lot of other bosses, but there's always still that feeling before walking through his fog gate ... that I'm going to get pulverized by this jerk feeling. In the general Souls mindshare he's probably still regarded as the biggest pain in the ass. He's not unbeatable, but you also can't sleep walk through the fight like you can with Taurus Demon - you'll always need to be on your game to face Flamelurker. For that reason I give him an honorable mention.

Boss fight I hate the most - Bed of Chaos (Dark Souls)

Goddamn motherfucking piece of stupid shit, asshole-jerkface fuckwit Bed of Chaos. Did I miss anything?

Boss fight I like the least that isn't objectively terrible like Bed of Chaos - (tie) Gravelord Nito (Dark Souls) & Skeleton Lords (Dark Souls 2)

Skeletons are my least favourite enemies in the Souls games. They hit hard, their timing is erratic, and someone is often lurking around to resurrect them. Needless to say the boss fights that include skeleton minions to harass you are my least favourite. Side note: I'd say specifically that the bonewheel skeletons are the enemies I hate most. I've shouted at them to fuck off more than I've ever shouted at anything, with the possible exception of my neighbor's jerkface fuckwit of a dog.

Boss fight I want to like but don't - Four Kings (Dark Souls)

Four Kings is a weird fight. In retrospect, the arena (pitch black nothingness) is probably the only chink you can find in the armor of Dark Souls lore. (Of course, that's only because they unexpectedly got to release DLC and were able to expand on what their idea of the Abyss was.) But that's not what I dislike. First, it's often buggy and I've had situations where the Kings stop spawning so I'm just ever stuck in the boss fight. Second, it is by default the least interesting boss arena in any of the games. Third, the Kings are assholes. Well, okay, a lot of Souls bosses are assholes but in a good way. I just hate all their moves and the fight is always the same: get in close to them, turtle with your shield until they do their sword magic attack thing, then wail on them, rinse, repeat. The fight is always the same and never plays out any differently. For those reasons I'm not really a fan. The design of the Kings themselves is really cool though, I think. They have that going for them.

Coolest boss music theme - Armor Spider (Demon's Souls)

It's not particularly epic (The Last Giant / O&S), wistful (Gwyn), disturbing (Fool's Idol / Gwyndolin) or any other number of adjectives. It's just kind of funky and unlike any other boss theme. Armor Spider is a big jerk, so it's kinda funny to me that he has this upbeat romp going on in his boss room, when really there should be jerk music ringing out. Well played, Armor Spider.

Favourite boss from a lore perspective #1 - Great Grey Wolf Sif (Dark Souls)

The changes FromSoftware made to the Sif boss fight with the DLC patch blew everyone's minds. It was almost like an overt response to all the people who pejoratively say Dark Souls has no story: yeah it does, son! All right!? It's about a fucking guy who kicks the abyss' ass with the help of this wollfy dog who's his buddy, and then a thousand or so years later they have to face off in battle, both understanding their own position (the Chosen must forge on; Sif must protect the grave of Artorias and the cycle from continuing). The moment when Sif recognizes you (if you did the DLC before him (do the bloody DLC before him!!)) is the closest a Souls game ever got to having a heart. Sif may not be a very difficult boss fight (you try wielding a sword in your mouth) but it carries the most weight if you lose yourself in Dark Souls' lore. For that reason it's one of my very favourites. (I'm still not clear on whether Sif is supposed to be a he or she. I think she.)

Favourite boss from a lore perspective #2 - Crossbreed Priscilla (Dark Souls)

Priscilla, and the Painted World in general, is chalk full of mysterious lore tidbits regarding many aspects of Lordran's history. Velka, the occult, both sorceries and miracles, the gods in Anor Londo; it's one of the juiciest areas from that perspective. The Painted World remains my favourite area in the Souls games (with some close challengers later on in Dark Souls 2) - it's completely optional and when you reach the end it turns out the boss fight is optional too. Priscilla, and the opportunity the player has to avoid fighting her, is just another example of how the Souls games can surprise in wonderful ways. It's when they're at their most creative, not their most punishing, that FromSoftware shows why the Souls games should be paid attention.

Favourite boss from a lore perspective #3 - (tie) Knight Artorias (Dark Souls) & Gwyn, Lord of Cinder (Dark Souls)

The mood to both of these fights is quite somber, at odds with the bosses themselves who are both very aggressive which, if you want to paint a certain picture, plays into the lore itself. Both are far gone; husks of their former, honorable selves, and hurl themselves toward challengers, maybe hoping for each fight to be their last. Both are somewhere in the middle of the pack as far as difficulty goes, but they're very easy to enjoy because they keep you on your toes, are in simple arenas without many distractions, and provide a sense of closure in their respective story lines.

 

Now, my top ... oh, let's make it seven

#7 - Scorpioness Najka (Dark Souls 2)

Not an incredibly tough fight, but it's in a really cool looking arena, the design of the boss is something I find really well done and it's also very interesting from a lore perspective if you speak with a certain NPC. Overall I think it's a well balanced boss fight.

#6 - Gaping Dragon (Dark Souls)

The Gaping Dragon is (probably) the first boss you meet where the amount of HP you have to take off dwarfs the previous boss. For that reason alone this fight always seems long and rather epic. Combine the creativity of the boss arena (that damn Channeler, if you don't kill him), the dastardliness of it (the cliff, the equipment breaking dragon barf), and the incredible level of detail that went into the design of the Gaping Dragon itself and for me this is one of the most memorable boss fights.

#5 - The Duke's Dear Freja (Dark Souls 2)

The Duke's Dear Freja is a bitch; apologies to the Duke, but I take issue with his taste in "women." It occurs to me that probably no one else at Tap has met her yet, so I won't talk about her. Suffice to say: you'll enjoy meeting her!

#4 - False King (Demon's Souls)

The False King (or Old King Allant ... I forget what his name in the 1-4 boss room actually is) is one aggressive son of a bitch. He's like Flamelurker, but thankfully less on fire. The boss fight itself isn't overly difficult if you take it slowly to recognize his patterns but it's still not easy to actually execute and get blows on him before he tears you to pieces. He also just looks like a bad ass. When you meet some bosses who were former badasses (Artorias, Gwyn) they look a bit haggard but Allant looks like he's been lifting weights without pause since Boletaria was plunged into its present state. He also makes some pretty intimidating grunting noises that should strike fear into the hearts of most challengers. Overall I find this one of the most enjoyable boss fights in the Souls games; it's got the right mix of aesthetically cool boss arena, challenge, flair and grunting noises.

#3 - Velstadt, the Royal Aegis (Dark Souls 2)

This is another one that I guess most around here would not yet have encountered. I enjoy this boss fight so much because it presents a challenging and whopping melee opponent but manages to incorporate the threat of magic too, much like the Manus boss fight. Even though I felt like I went into it at an appropriate level-- or if anything a bit over-leveled-- I could still get killed in one or two hits, so it's an edge-of-your-seat fight in a relatively tight arena. I think it will become known as one of the more impressive boss fights in Dark Souls 2.

#2 - Old Monk (Demon's Souls)

Fighting the offline/AI version of Old Monk is nothing special - but when you're pit against another human player in the form of Old Monk it makes for one of the earliest (and still best) Souls game mind-fucks. With the prevalence of grass duping in Demon's Souls I've had some Old Monk fights go on for what seemed like an eternity, but both sides generally go into it prepared for a slog and so in a way it presents the not-always-experienced-by-everyone PvP Experience in a boss fight. I can't think of anything in the last console generation that was more ahead of its time than this very moment in Demon's Souls, a game itself ahead of most of its contemporaries. The servers are still alive: you can still experience Old Monk, as it was intended, today. I highly recommend it. By its nature it has more limitless potential than any other boss fight in the Souls games: it can be the easiest fight you've encountered; it can be the most challenging; it can be the shortest or the longest; maybe you'll receive a barrage of homing soul arrows, or perhaps a Scraping Spear in your face. Every time you step through the fog it has the potential to be a new experience. It's a microcosm of what makes the Souls games so bloody good (and re-playable).

#1 - Black Dragon Kalameet (Dark Souls)

For number one I just had to pick the most jaw-dropping fight there was. Kalameet, voted Oolacile's Blackest Dragon, is that fight. All four boss fights in Oolacile are incredible but Kalameet is my favourite. Will dragons as bad-ass-things ever go out of style? I don't know. If they're like Kalameet, then no, probably not ever. He flies, he breathes messed up Abyss-style fire, and he stomps and smacks things. Classic dragon. Is it hands down the hardest boss fight to solo? I don't know; I'm not the best judge of that because I don't think I've ever even soloed Ornstein & Smough. But give it a try. And when Kalameet is slain wear that Calamity Ring with pride. It's a badge of honor. While there's a particular dragon boss in Dark Souls 2 who will almost certainly overtake Kalameet in the Who's Harder To Kill category, Kalameet will always be remembered as the dragon who took a giant arrow to the kidney and still wrought death and destruction on would-be heroes.