Lo! This quite-excellent news may have passed you by a week ago as it did me, so here as a public service, I offer you last week’s news: Stardock Corporation have acquired, from Atari, the rights to classic but never incredibly popular space fun franchise Star Control! They then immediately announced “now that we at long last own the rights to Star Control we’re figuratively burying it right beside that E.T. game which nobody also played but someone you know claims they did and you punched them for it. That was the right thing to do. Punch all liars!” Okay, I kid, they didn’t say that! Who ever would? No video game corporation is that evil.
Oft maligned, sometimes beloved, but only rarely punched creators of Fences, WindowBlinds, and I guess games that maybe people cared about Galactic Civilizations and Elemental, to name a couple, want you to know that they’re
rebooting revitalizing fuck it there’s no good way to say it making anew (that’ll work!) the cultishly well-liked Star Control franchise; specifically: “looking at Star Control II as a major source of inspiration.”
“Yesssss!!!” – Said seventy-six people on the internet (two on dial-up).
If you don’t know what Star Control is, or more relevantly, what Star Control II is,
[insert pretentious joke] you’re normal! If you do, I’ve got bad news for you: first, welcome back from your coma. Star Trek was right, we all talk into pieces of plastic at each other. Also, right before you went into your coma, they released a Director’s Cut of Blade Runner and it’s wayyyyy better! Oh, and remember how the Maple Leafs were just getting really good? Yeah, they still haven’t won a Cup since ’67. And their current coach probably has more brain damage than you. You missed Pogs too, but that was just a flash in the pan anyway. Oh, the bad news, right: you’ve missed 20 years. Everything you ever knew is completely different, but kind of the same. Except Nintendo, they’re exactly the same, so you’re up to speed on them.
But of course the eclectic and brainy denizens of Tap-Repeatedly all know what Star Control II is, so that entire last paragraph was just self-indulgent rubbish. All you need know is that the people who have made some pretty good space games are making anew (it’ll catch on) the Velvet Underground of space games. Really, in my humble opinion this is a much more tantalizing make-anew (going to have to work on that one) than, say, XCOM/X-Com/X-COM. Mostly because most Real Computer Game Playing Folk would tell you that “the best computer game of all time is 1994′s UFO: Enemy Unknown, also known as X-Com: UFO Defense.” Whereas regarding Star Control II they might say “it’s ninety-sixth” or “what is Star Control Two?” or “how about those Blue Jays? I think they will be winning the next four or five World Series, don’t you know.” It’s like how things that are precious should never have direct sequels (Shadow of the Colossus!) and things that are pretty darn average or just not all that well known should get sequels/make-anews (Star Control II!)
The renewed (anew / renew, that one’s perfect!) franchise will have its development begun this year, but Stardock is not committing to any release date just yet. Which is probably wise. Stardock shouldn’t commit to things, or tell people things. They should just do things and say “look, we’ve done that,” so that we can then be like “yes, I see you have. I shall investigate your doings.”
Condensed, too long & did not read version: Stardock’s full news release here.
Virtually punch the author of this news recap at email@example.com.