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Karma, We Have a Problem

08/17/2010|Matt "Steerpike" Sakey|Ephemera24
Home » Home » Ephemera » Karma, We Have a Problem
Karma, We Have a Problem

I’m screwed. We’re all screwed. We’re coming back as dung beetles and fruit flies and those parasites that swim up your urine when you pee in the Amazon. Why?

The Karma Police.

GamePolitics reports that some dude with a really long and complicated name has an opinion on video games. Check it out in this video:

This guy talks really slowly, which is probably why he has great karma – if it takes you forever to do or say anything, your chances of amassing lots of bad shit in your karmic index is reduced. I know a couple of people like this in real life.

Me? I once killed a man with a shoehorn in a video game. Not to mention that in playing Spore I participated in the forcible extinction of entire species, before they even had a chance to swap their tentacles for arms. My god, I am so hosed.

Send an email to the author of this post at steerpike@tap-repeatedly.com.

07/18/2012 Matt "Steerpike" Sakey

About the author

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Matt "Steerpike" Sakey

Tap-Repeatedly Overlord Steerpike is a games industry journalist and consultant. His earliest memories are of video games, and hopes his last memories will be of them as well. He’s a featured monthly columnist with the International Game Developers Association, and is internationally published in an assortment of dull e-Learning texts and less dull gaming publications. He also lectures on games at various universities.

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24 Responses to Karma, We Have a Problem

  • Avatar
    Jason Dobry 08/17/2010

    You killed a man/woman with a SHOEHORN? Which game was that?

    I tried to watch this video, but his three-word-a-minute speech rate curbed my interest.

  • Avatar
    Matt "Steerpike" Sakey 08/17/2010

    You know, I can’t remember. It was in the mid-nineties, though, around the time when I beat a man to death with his own severed arm in Bioforge.

  • Avatar
    Toger 08/17/2010

    I lasted about 45 seconds with his word-a-day slow speech and then killed the video. Does this mean my karmic index is now off the charts?

    What about playing adventure games and taking everything not nailed to the floor? Does that affect my karma, too? I mean, that’s stealing, right? Or does killing splicers trump jamming a ladder down your pants?

  • Avatar
    Matt "Steerpike" Sakey 08/17/2010

    Stealing is not as bad as killing, Toger, but I think we can all rest assured that you have the worst karma among Tap visitors. ; )

  • Avatar
    Armand 08/17/2010

    Damn Steerpike, did you actually watch this whole thing? You’re one tough dude!

  • Avatar
    Armand 08/17/2010

    My girlfriend just told me it’s because of video games that I don’t have the attention span to watch this.

  • Avatar
    Mat C 08/17/2010

    There’s a man who’se never played God of War..

  • Avatar
    Matt "Steerpike" Sakey 08/17/2010

    Damn Steerpike, did you actually watch this whole thing? You’re one tough dude!

    Hell no! I turned it off after forty seconds. There’s only so much a man can take. I’m not that tough!

  • Avatar
    Toger 08/17/2010

    @Armand: tell your girlfriend she’s all wet and that it’s purely self-preservation that you didn’t watch the entire thing. No one could last the entire 10 horrifyingly slow minutes of that man slow-talking and live to tell about it. After the first full minute, normal people would have taken a knife to their wrists just to escape.

  • Avatar
    Helmut 08/17/2010

    Toger, I think raptors can eat and absorb the karmic aether directly, so you’ll be all right. However, solo in the silo, you’ll have to fetch your own piglets.

  • Avatar
    ajax19 08/17/2010

    I thought you killed the man with your shoe horn in that, uh, new game you were playing.  The spy game that had a conversation system that was better than Mass Effect’s, but the game itself was crazy buggy?  Wasn’t that the game?  Whatever game that is.

    I am married to a woman who meditates 2 hours a day and has participated/served 3.5 10 day meditation courses and is very well-read in all of this stuff and more.  She has given me the “greenlight” to play videogames and even believes that it is beneficial to do so.  I will take her advice over my man Yogeesh’s.

    I have nuked cities.  I have wiped entire peoples from the face of the planet.  Granted, they had it coming, but still…

  • Avatar
    Armand 08/17/2010

    All I have to say is I’m glad I don’t believe in any of that karma junk. All hail science!

  • Avatar
    Matt "Steerpike" Sakey 08/17/2010

    I did kill a man with an odd object in Alpha Protocol, but it wasn’t a shoe horn. An ice cream scoop, maybe? I think my memory is going.

  • Avatar
    xtal 08/17/2010

    Arrest this man, he talks in maths. He buzzes like a fridge; he’s like a detuned radio.

  • Avatar
    Gregg B 08/17/2010

    xtal = bastard.

    I was literally about to type that in then my tea was ready. Bastard.

    0:45 – “Wireless is the worst thing in the world”? I agree with the man but we’re screwed. WE’RE ALL SCREWED. *runs away*

  • Avatar
    Spike 08/17/2010

    After 2 minutes or so I was just about to nod off, so I stopped watching.  I got to the “buffalo” part.

    I like leather stuff.  And I know that those from India revere the cow.  I also know that they wear leather shoes/belts/etc.  Does all that leather come from cows that have lived a long and happy life and then died a natural death?  Or are some slaughtered for leather or other stuff?  Does that confer bad karma on the “murderer”?  Maybe, as with the catholic church of the past (maybe now, too??), you can purchase an indulgence that will make it all right and restore good karma, or erase the bad.

    Long way to say: nuts, I say!!  Supernatural bullshit.

  • Avatar
    Finkbug 08/17/2010

    Am I a failed human because I want to hear Toger tell your girlfriend she’s all wet?

    oot. oot.

  • Avatar
    Armand 08/17/2010

    “Am I a failed human because I want to hear Toger tell your girlfriend she’s all wet?”

    Dude, I don’t even know where you’re coming from with that..  : )

  • Avatar
    Finkbug 08/17/2010

    I accidentally left out the bit about me knuckle walking back to my enclosure. Not that it makes it better 🙂

  • Avatar
    Lewis B 08/18/2010

    Oh God Finkbug! I can’t stop laughing 🙂 glad I’m not the only one! 🙂

    Well you’ll all be pleased to know my Karma is positively bursting!

    I helped a woman off the bus with a pram yesterday.  1 way ticket to Heaven please! 🙂

  • Avatar
    Mike "Scout" Gust 08/18/2010

    You guys will all have bad results now.

  • Avatar
    Matt "Steerpike" Sakey 08/18/2010

    Lewis, helping a woman with a pram off a bus is, like, +4 karma points. At best.

    Encouraging Finkbug IN ANY WAY is a -20, so you’re still in the red, dude. ; )

  • Avatar
    Lewis B 08/18/2010

    I lost 10 more points today arguing with a colleague.  He’s 68, and I should know better.

    The silly old twat!!!

  • Avatar
    Matt "Steerpike" Sakey 08/18/2010

    Small world! One of my artists just completed an argument with a 64 year old.

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