Erotica Island Review

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Erotica Island

Review by JenMarch 2002

Disclaimer!

Erotica Island is an X-rated game and this review is probably going to turn out X-rated too, or at least NC-17. If you are easily offended by sex topics and/or dirty words, please! stop here!  I don’t want any hate mail from people who are upset by the subject matter and/or language in this review.

Is it Really an Adventure Game?

Yes, in that you have to solve puzzles and use inventory items in order to progress. You play as Reggie Rich, who has genitals the size of a gerbil’s, according to the narrator. As the game opens, Reggie is on his yacht, drinking a daiquiri (or something) as he enjoys a blow job. He gets a phone call and must leave the yacht to tend to business. He boards his helicopter and flies off, only to crash land on … you guessed it, Erotica Island.

Turns out there’s only one boat on the whole island, which is owned by one Randy Muffin, a studly black dude with a gigantic ‘fro. Said Mr. Muffin will take you back to your yacht for the negligible sum of $10,000 … but he will reduce his fee to a mere $100 if you can manage to bed the seven most beautiful women on the island. Well, even though you’re wealthy, all your money is either now in the drink or back on your yacht (not specified … why bother with minor plot details, right?), so of course you feel compelled to set out on your sexcapade.

Emergency Tissue Pack

When you do something right in the game, one or more women will agree to engage in some form of sexual activity with you, running the gamut from the oral to the anal to the threesome. The game actually comes with an “Emergency Tissue Pack,” which I guess you’re supposed to use to sop up the evidence of your titillation. If you’re a man, that is. And titillated. The game even tells you to whip out those tissues a couple of times. Hmm, I wonder if “tissue” is a euphemism for “dick”?

Plenty of Small Sombreros …

However, I am not a man. Or even a lesbian. I have trouble believing that many men would find this game arousing. But you never know.  I have heard rumors regarding the true location of men’s brains, and it ain’t in their heads baby! Or at least not their big heads.

Judging from the Japanime-style faces of the females, I believe Erotica Island to be based on the Japanese Hentai/Manga style of sexual comics and animation. However, from what little I’ve seen, the artists of those cartoons tend to employ some care and attention to detail in every aspect of rendering a woman’s body, not just the ol’ mammaries.

The same character model is used for all seven babes. Minor changes are made to each, such as hairdo, nipple color, and the pattern on the thin veneer of clothing that is very sloppily slathered on just so’s they have something to take off. I did think it was nice how the shiny hair color always matched the shiny nipple color. Kudos to the designers for that little detail!

The nipples are ridiculous. Aside from the aforementioned shininess, they sit atop the women’s boobs like pepperoni on a pizza, instead of on the front like in the real world. Or the bottom, in some cases. Not naming any names or anything.

… But Not a Single Purple-Helmet Warrior

Nary a one. Even though there are two naked guys in the game, Randy Muffin and Reggie himself, you never once see a penis. Plenty of sex with plenty of penetration of plenty of female orifices, but the penis is merely suggested. By the location of the woman’s mouth and the endless slurping noises.

The Intercourse, er, Interface

You know, this whole game smacks of homemade. The graphics are crappy, and the interface is straight out of the early 90s, except the game is point-and-lick, oops, click, instead of verb-controlled.  The whole thing actually works okay, but it’s slow, quirky, and cumbersome.

Your menu is at the bottom of the screen at all times. Your choices are map (which is the only way to move from location to location), Reggie’s Bits (inventory), Erectometer (penis size gauge—you have to fill it up before the island’s überbabe will let you fuck her), Options (save, load, quit), the Item in Use (you have to choose something out of inventory and have it appear here, and then use it on something; you have to click cancel to get rid of it), and a music/sound on/off button.

Inside the inventory screen, you get another menu. Sometimes you have to combine one or more items, and this is done by choosing the first item, clicking the “combine” choice, then choosing the next item.

Lip-Smacking Mm-mm Good(?)

Voice acting is truly abysmal, bottom of the barrel all the way.  At least it’s consistent. Reggie sounds like a smooth-talking retard. He speaks without inflection, extremely slowly. The babes all have different voices, but I’m guessing the women are all friends and neighbors of the game designer. Not a one of these women could voice-act her way out of a porno flick.

Most of the sound effects are really lame. Each time you meet one of the babes for the first time, you get a siren noise and a stupid “Babe Alert” screen. Sound effects are repetitive—lots of oohs, ahs, and sloppy spit noises from babes gnawing on Reggie’s pud with their mouths open. Where are their manners, I ask you?  My mommy always told me to chew with my mouth closed. Same slurpy sounds for just about every sex scene, too, except for one where the woman says “oh God” quite a few times. The music is 100% annoying. But at least it didn’t get stuck in my head.

Reward or Punishment? You Be the Judge

Every time you do something big in the game, you get a fuck scene, sans tool but rubbery boobs abounding. (Sorry for the pun.) There is a theater where you can go to replay these a zillion times, or maybe none in my case. Well, really, I did replay one but I didn’t know what the “Reggie’s Reels” button did until I clicked it.

The Climax

This game has no redeeming value, social or otherwise. What’s worse, production values are practically nonexistent. It’s not sexy or even funny, it’s merely limp. I wouldn’t even go so far as to call it a crapsterpiece—it’s just crap.

If you want to play a sexy game, by all means choose Kama Sutra instead. That at least is an equal-opportunity porno, with something of interest to both men and women. And the men and women have realistic bodies. And the artwork is lovely.  All of these features are in direct contrast to Erotica Island.

Erotica Island cost me a perfectly good $40 plus shipping from the U.K., and I never even opened the little Emergency Tissue pack. What a rip! There are good bad games and bad bad games, and Erotica Island is the nadir of the latter. All I got out of the deal was the dubious pleasure of sharing some guy’s booby wet dream. The End

The Verdict

The Lowdown

Developer: Flare Media Limited Publisher: Flare Media Limited Release Date: 2000

Available for: Windows

Four Fat Chicks Links

Player Feedback

Screenshots(Warning: Some of these screenshots are sexually explicit and contain some nudity)

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System Requirements

Windows 95/98/00 16 MB RAM (32 MB recommended) Pentium 266 MHz or higher 2X CD-ROM drive 400 MB free hard drive space 800×600 display resolution

Where to Find It

      Copyright © Electric Eye Productions.  All rights reserved.  No reproduction in whole or in part without express written permission.

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14 Responses to Fear Factor

  • Fear Factor | Tap-Repeatedly.com | Reality Topics Blog

    […] nobody@flickr.com (graftedno1) wrote a very interesting post today.   Here’s a quick excerpt:My greatest fear is to be trapped alone in a confined space with a blind human, in total darkness. They have a heightened sense of smell and hearing, and. […]

  • Matt "Steerpike" Sakey

    Lewis, you made me think of the scariest moments I’ve experienced in gaming, and we’re very similar people.

    Bioshock had two moments – the dentist and the flooded room filled with mannequins.

    Thief had Return to the Cathedral, which was terrifying to me. Thief 3 had Shalebridge Cradle, which is so scary it ought to be fined.

    System Shock 2 kept me on the edge of my seat, but it was more lonely panic than true fear.

    Korsakovia was so scary that I uninstalled it.

    And STALKER. Oh, god, the haunted labs in STALKER. The latter two games don’t have scares like that. Few games do.

    It’s especially rare for a game to have more than mere “moments” – for a game to be scary from beginning to end, that’s a triumph.

    Wonderful article. As if Gregg’s review wasn’t enough to convince me that Penumbra is not something I have the courage to play!

  • DPenn

    I’m with you Lewis … I’m a bit of a puss. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of dread as entertainment.

    Still, I’m drawn to dark stories when they have something interesting to say, whether it’s a game like Thief or a film like, say, Gaspar Noe’s Irreversible. So I’ll push through, sometimes peering through my fingers.

    The trouble with games, though, is that if you look through your fingers, you’re probably just going to have to play through the scenario again. :~)

  • Mike "Scout" Gust

    I wanted to play this game. I downloaded the demo but the controls were just too wonky for me to get my head around. I liked the atmospheric vibe a lot. I think I’m a bit desensitized from an overdose of horror movies in my youth so I don’t so much get the dread thing from these games as a nice creepy vibration. If only the controls were better…

  • Lewis B

    @ Mike, what’s wrong with the controls bud? As someone who despises poor control schemes, Penumbra’s is just like any other FPS, except to examine things you right click on them.  To use things you left click.  I’m not sure that can be considered difficult 🙂

  • Gregg B

    @Steerpike: Yeah my greatest shit-scared moments were with those games too. A few spoilers below people, so beware.

    Bioshock – Haha, I remember the dentist. I didn’t really find the game that scary overall but the bit where you go into the wine cellar and notice a mannequin facing the wall and after upgrading your weapon it’s stood directly behind you motionless and quiet just for a moment before attacking you. I shat a brick. I also missed that bit originally until Lew told me about it.

    System Shock 2 – same as you really, more unremitting tension all the way through rather than specific terrifying moments. Oh actually, theres a bit where you call a lift and it breaks then you realise a service droid is coming to fix it… I do remember having sleep issues after my first encounter with the cyborg ninjas though.

    Thief: The Dark Project – The Sword and Return to the Cathedral and Down in the Bonehoard and well, loads of them. The Sword made me break out into goosebumps though because there was a bit where you could hear this creepy giggling which seemed like it was following me about then it suddenly changed to this horrible throaty noise. What made matters worse was that the EAX (bless you Creative) made my foot steps sound like somebody else was there with me. That level was incredible, a bit too incredible as it seems I missed great chunks of it because I was so eager to leave.

    Thief II: The Metal Age – Trail of Blood where you end up in that opening with those damn tree beasts. God the first time I saw one of those hurtling towards me I actually died shortly afterward. Do you remember that Mechanist child walking around on one of the levels? That was a little creepy.

    Then there’s Penumbra: Overture – quite a few bits but I’m not mentioning them here.

    Oh and S.T.A.L.K.E.R. – The brain scorcher lab just because it was so damn quiet. My imagination seriously got the better of me there. Those stuffed animals and heads I’d seen in various buildings led me to believe that those creatures were lurking somewhere in the Zone, specifically that lab.

    @Mike: My control setup was perfect after some tweaking (as well as the simple weapon swing fix). If you ever fancy giving it another go, give me a shout and I’ll let you know my setup.

  • Lewis B

    I’m not sure why guys, but one of my starting paragraphs had gone missing, even though I copied it straight from the original source, and It was fine earlier. 

    Incase you missed it due to some technical issue you might want to re-read just after “Well no she wouldn’t in truth, but in Penumbra: Overture you don’t want to move anyway.” at the very start for those who’ve already read the article. Apologies 🙂

  • Mike "Scout" Gust

    Lewis, it was the weapon swing. It had this terrible, unresponsive feel to it, like trying to hit through molasses. I couldn’t stand using it. I tried the .ini fix as mentioned in the review but it didn’t seem to help. Of course this was the demo…but that shouldn’t have made any difference. I might try the second game instead as I guess they did away with the weapons thing.

    I’m see your first paragraph just fine. It’s the dialogue, right?

  • jdeuel

    I like the argument that weapons can remove fear, but even loaded to the teeth with ammo in AVP’99 the Marine missions were frightful because the enemy was anywhere at any time.

    As for Penumbra Overture, if the controls are anything like the original Penumbra they need to hack in some Wii-Remote 3d controls. I did not like using my mouse for 3d movements.

  • Gregg B

    @Mike: I’ve read that many people avoided conflict altogether in Overture which incidentally is something forced upon you in Black Plague. As somebody who has been renovating a house over the last 6 months with no DIY experience I can safely say that swinging a hammer is significantly easier in real life than it is in Overture without the fix. The fix balanced that for me.

    I’d highly recommend completing the first Penumbra because it’s one big build up to Black Plague which spoils the ending to Overture in the intro. And it’s a great ending too. Just so you know!

  • Lewis B

    @ Steerpike, those moments you mention are all my worst too!!  Do you remember the Robot labs in SS2? Absolutely terrifying, waiting for robots to burst out on you! 🙁 oh and have you ever player Condemned?

    @ Mike, The use of weapons in Penumbra is different to say HL2, where the player is physically holding the weapon, as in Penumbra it floats slightly infront of you.  However, if you change the control method to normal weapon swing, it’s no different!  Speak to Greggi and he’ll tell you what to do 🙂

    @ jdeuel, AVP the original and its sequal were scary however what type of fear do you think it is? I don’t think it’s anything more than sheer tension.  Having a Smart Gun makes you feel incredibly powerful.  I can honestly say in Penumbra the fear is sheer unrivalled terror, where you actually have to force yourself to play on.  It genuinly is that scary! 🙂

  • Jason Dobry

    It’s so true, an arsenal of weapons and ammo rapidly deflates any sense of horror or uneasiness in any game for reasons you already mentioned. Sakey, I thought Bioshock was more “lonely panic,” while I was pretty much always terrified in System Shock 2. I really, really, REALLY did not want to enter The Many’s nursery, and my weapons were so unreliable and ammo so scarce that I never felt safe.

    Silent Hill was terrifying for the same reasons. Ammo was rare and I frequently had to rely on my pipe for self-defense.  Even when I had ammo, the game mechanics prevented my character from being anything other than marginal with any firearm.

    Fear had one moment for me: I was climbing up a ladder, and as I reached the upper platform, my guy briefly looked down as he climbed off. As my perspective looked up again, that Ring-esque little girl was RIGHT THERE, reaching for me. I screamed and she was gone.

    What else…the original Aliens vs. Predator sent me into a locker room and I could only hear the facehuggers scurrying about somewhere within. I had to go in there. I advanced about three steps before the damn thing screamed and filled up my screen with its repulsive underside as it implanted me with its spawn. My roommate made fun of me for weeks for screaming like a girl child.

    Korsakovia–meh.  I was too annoyed and frustrated by the box rearrangement/jumping puzzles to be scared. I uninstalled it after an hour of play, I think. Maybe the scary parts were later, but I doubt it.

    As for Penumbra, I did play through about half of it before other games distracted me. I remember unease and creepiness, but no sweaty fear. I think I’m to blame here, or, more precisely, my daughter, who was still an infant at the time and generally allowed me only to play during the day for 45 minutes at a time. I was denied total immersion and the fear effect suffered. Maybe I should give it another go after I finish Call of Pripyat since she sleeps through the night now. With any luck, Penumbra will keep me from doing the same.

  • Gregg B

    I played the demo of F.E.A.R. but that ladder scare is the only bit I remember. Christ, that made me jump. I’m not too good with cat scares.

    Also I felt exactly the same about Korsakovia. It was creepy at first but then it began to irritate me far too much and it just soured the experience. I stopped playing as a result. Not to mention, when I realised I could bash those smoke-things with my crowbar they didn’t bother me nearly as much.

  • Online Up

    Great article. I look forward to reading more in the future.

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